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An Inconvenient Truth: Parenting IS a full time job (aka 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week)
By Kitty | January 12, 2012
I have wanted to be a mommy since about age 4, when my brother Steven was born. This innate knowledge that I was meant to be a mother stuck with me throughout childhood, adolescence, even high school and college. I did let go of the idea a bit when I came to the realization that there were a few things that had to come first: namely, dating, finding a guy who loved me and equally wanted to be a father, etc. Specifically looking for a future father of your children is no way to date in college, or ever for that matter, so I did release the idea for a few years. However, when Mr. Right came along, and we eventually got married and started seriously talking about having children, one thing was for sure. We both wanted me to be a stay home mom and raise our children. I hit the husband jackpot, let me tell you!
The oldest of four children in my family, I grew up raised by a brilliant, pHd-earning (in microbiology, probably with a 4.0, too) stay home mom. Throughout the bulk of my life, the horrible phrase most often used was “just a mom”. Now that I am a mother myself, that “just” seems so demeaning and inaccurate and painfully wrong. Parenthood is a HARD job. It is an amazing and miraculous and life-altering in so many wonderful ways job, but it is a HARD job. I love it every single day, but that doesn’t mean moments don’t often arise of self-doubt, borderline craziness, exhaustion, frustration, even anger. Parenthood is not just a special coat that’s worn along with your every day life. Parenthood changes your existence. Period. At least, it should, in my opinion.
I recently stumbled upon this article called “The Inconvenience of Having Children” on the blog Conscious Parenting. It addresses the serious misconceptions such a large part of our society has about parenthood. A little teaser blurb for you:
It’s a great blog post that honestly, and through reflection on personal experience, discusses what the author sees as part of the problem–first of all, people becoming parents who really shouldn’t; and secondly, parents not trusting their own instincts, and following advice from “experts” instead, no matter how much their deepest soul is screaming that it’s the wrong thing to do.
A dear friend of mine and I, after embarking on this life-altering journey called parenthood, decided to write a book about this exact matter. We wanted to encourage parents to trust their instincts rather than always be wallowing so deeply in self-doubt and reliance on books and “expert” opinions. (It is quite ironic that we were/are planning on writing a book about ignoring the vast majority of books, but I digress…). “The Inconvenience of Having Children” addresses many of the issues we have seen through our own experiences, with some humor thrown in. The author concludes:
I personally think that everyone should read this post and really think about it before choosing to have children. Prior to being a parent, I couldn’t in my wildest imagination fathom a person who didn’t want to have children. Ever. I even got into a number of debates about it in college with non-children-wanting friends. Now, after experiencing it first hand, and understanding the HUGE undertaking and test of patience and every other virtue imaginable, I sing a different song. If you don’t think you want children, trust yourself and don’t have any. If you aren’t sure, seriously think about how much of your life you are willing to change, give up, put on the back burner for your future children. Having a child is the most amazing, miraculous experience of your life, but it is HARD. A daily gift, too, most definitely.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to discourage all people from ever having children. I just want people who have no business being parents, or who don’t actually parent to make the decision that parenthood is just not for them before they have kids. Is that rude?
At the very least, leave with this inconvenient truth: parenting is a full time job. No, not 40 hours a week. Not even 60 hours a week, the workaholics. It’s a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, rest of your life job. And it is amazing. As long as you really love what you do. I’m such a blessed person in that I love my job. I hope you do, too.
Topics: Mommyhood, Warrior-Momma | No Comments »